What do you think happens after death to people who commit suicide?

JD1

Member
I'm curious, because I'm considering suicide. Well, actually, it's more like I'm hoping I can work up the courage to finally do it, because I already feel like it's what I should do. I figured I'd have a good chance of getting some informed opinions here.
 
"What do you think happens after death to people who commit suicide?"

I think suicide will not solve anything because you are an immortal spirit and killing your body won't change anything, you will still exist as a spirit, and you might have to reincarnate and live through it all again and continue where you left off.

"I already feel like it's what I should do"

If you are contemplating suicide there is probably something abnormal biochemically that affects the brain so you shouldn't trust your judgment in that respect.

Need help? United States:
1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Languages: English
Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org



Suicide and the Afterlife.

http://sites.google.com/site/chs4o8pt/suicide

In the vast majority of cases, people kill themselves due to abnormal brain chemistry.

Spirits who need healing or other types of help when they cross over get the help they need in the afterlife.

Someone who is grieving for a suicide victim, or a suicide victim who has just crossed over, needs to understand there is no special punishment assigned to suicide victims in the afterlife.

Someone who is contemplating suicide needs to understand that suicide won't solve anything because you are an immortal spirit and it is impossible to really kill yourself. Furthermore, you can't escape the consequences of your actions by killing yourself.

Here are excerpts from someone who had an NDE after attempting suicide:
http://www.near-death.com/experiences/suicide03.html
"I came into the presence of a brilliant, wonderfully warm and loving Light. While I was in the presence of this Light I was shown a review of my life and all the events that brought me to that point."
...
"I was given the choice of remaining with the light, provided I return later to the physical world and experience all that brought me to the point of shooting myself, or I could return now and pick up my life where it was. I was told that I would eventually have the family and love I so desperately yearned for."


http://ncu9nc.blogspot.com/2012/09/skepticism-big-lie-activist-skeptics.html

Lessons from the Light by Kenneth Ring and Evelyn Elsaesser. The link goes to a page in the book that describes how knowledge of Near Death Experiences deters suicide.

As far as I know, the first clinician to make use of NDE material in this context was a New York psychologist named John McDonagh. In 1979, he presented a paper at a psychological convention that described his success with several suicidal patients using a device he called "NDE bibliotherapy." His "technique" was actually little more than having his patients read some relevant passages from Raymond Moody's book, Reflections on Life after Life, after which the therapist and his patient would discuss its implicatins for the latter's own situation. McDonagh reports that such an approach was generally quite successful not only in reducing suicidal thoughts but also in preventing the deed altogether.

...

Since McDonagh's pioneering efforts, other clinicians knowledgeable about the NDE who have had the opportunity to counsel suicidal patients have also reported similar success. Perhaps the most notable of these therapists is Bruce Greyson, a psychiatrist now at the University of Virginia, whose specialty as a clinician has been suicidology. He is also the author of a classic paper on NDEs and suicide which the specialist may wish to consult for tis therapeutic implications. (14)

Quite apart form the clinicians who have developed this form of what we migh call "NDE-assisted therapy," I can draw upon my own personal experience here to provide additional evidence of how the NDE has helped to deter suicide. The following case ...​

Evidence for the afterlife
http://sites.google.com/site/chs4o8pt/summary_of_evidence
http://ncu9nc.blogspot.com/p/62014-...-afterlife.html#articles_by_subject_afterlife

Psychologists who specialize in spiritual issues:
http://forum.mind-energy.net/forum/...-experience-with-psychic-and-spiritual-issues
 
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"What do you think happens after death to people who commit suicide?"

I think suicide will not solve anything because you are an immortal spirit and killing your body won't change anything, you will still exist as a spirit, and you might have to reincarnate and live through it all again and continue where you left off.

"I already feel like it's what I should do"

If you are contemplating suicide there is probably something abnormal biochemically that affects the brain so you shouldn't trust your judgment in that respect.





Suicide and the Afterlife.

http://sites.google.com/site/chs4o8pt/suicide

In the vast majority of cases, people kill themselves due to abnormal brain chemistry.

Spirits who need healing or other types of help when they cross over get the help they need in the afterlife.

Someone who is grieving for a suicide victim, or a suicide victim who has just crossed over, needs to understand there is no special punishment assigned to suicide victims in the afterlife.

Someone who is contemplating suicide needs to understand that suicide won't solve anything because you are an immortal spirit and it is impossible to really kill yourself. Furthermore, you can't escape the consequences of your actions by killing yourself.

Here are excerpts from someone who had an NDE after attempting suicide:
http://www.near-death.com/experiences/suicide03.html
"I came into the presence of a brilliant, wonderfully warm and loving Light. While I was in the presence of this Light I was shown a review of my life and all the events that brought me to that point."
...
"I was given the choice of remaining with the light, provided I return later to the physical world and experience all that brought me to the point of shooting myself, or I could return now and pick up my life where it was. I was told that I would eventually have the family and love I so desperately yearned for."


http://ncu9nc.blogspot.com/2012/09/skepticism-big-lie-activist-skeptics.html

Lessons from the Light by Kenneth Ring and Evelyn Elsaesser. The link goes to a page in the book that describes how knowledge of Near Death Experiences deters suicide.

As far as I know, the first clinician to make use of NDE material in this context was a New York psychologist named John McDonagh. In 1979, he presented a paper at a psychological convention that described his success with several suicidal patients using a device he called "NDE bibliotherapy." His "technique" was actually little more than having his patients read some relevant passages from Raymond Moody's book, Reflections on Life after Life, after which the therapist and his patient would discuss its implicatins for the latter's own situation. McDonagh reports that such an approach was generally quite successful not only in reducing suicidal thoughts but also in preventing the deed altogether.

...

Since McDonagh's pioneering efforts, other clinicians knowledgeable about the NDE who have had the opportunity to counsel suicidal patients have also reported similar success. Perhaps the most notable of these therapists is Bruce Greyson, a psychiatrist now at the University of Virginia, whose specialty as a clinician has been suicidology. He is also the author of a classic paper on NDEs and suicide which the specialist may wish to consult for tis therapeutic implications. (14)

Quite apart form the clinicians who have developed this form of what we migh call "NDE-assisted therapy," I can draw upon my own personal experience here to provide additional evidence of how the NDE has helped to deter suicide. The following case ...​

Evidence for the afterlife
http://sites.google.com/site/chs4o8pt/summary_of_evidence
http://ncu9nc.blogspot.com/p/62014-...-afterlife.html#articles_by_subject_afterlife

Psychologists who specialize in spiritual issues:
http://forum.mind-energy.net/forum/...-experience-with-psychic-and-spiritual-issues


I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts, I frequently experience deja vu moments like I've experienced this all before, frequently I feel like I can even guess whats about to happen in a few seconds. Eventually during meditation I had an out of body experience where I spoke with a woman made of light who told me I had killed myself. I don't know if this was delusion or a fabrication but I've never been able to shake the feeling I'm here to do a better job this time so I could live without regrets. I hope my experience can help you come to some kind of understanding of what you're going through, JD1.
 
I'm curious, because I'm considering suicide. Well, actually, it's more like I'm hoping I can work up the courage to finally do it, because I already feel like it's what I should do. I figured I'd have a good chance of getting some informed opinions here.

I have no idea what happens.

What on earth (or not on earth) makes you feel like it is what you should do?
 
Some people call suicide cowardice: a way not to have to face problems that many other people have to face, and in fact do face without giving up. But it might equally well be called laziness -- a reluctance to put in sufficient effort to manage one's life.

I'm not saying that there might not be some circumstances where suicide is understandable: I think, for instance, of the twin towers people who preferred to jump rather than burn to death. Who knows: I might have done the same myself.

But let's face it, most people's lives aren't all peaches and cream, and they could take the easy way out. In retrospect, they'd probably be glad they didn't, but of course one can only be glad if one's still around to reflect on it. Committing suicide might be seen as one way to avoid the hassle of life, but it's also a way to ensure one avoids the personal triumphs that come from facing difficulties and learning something along the way.

If you wanted to top yourself, no one could stop you. You wouldn't be around to reflect on how glad you were you didn't, and in the unlikely event no one else would remain to mourn you, I suppose you wouldn't have harmed anyone else: just yourself. But here's a thought experiment. A hopeless person comes up to you in circumstances where there's no chance of your being caught. Handing you a gun, he asks you to end his misery. Would you kill him? Or would you attempt to talk him out of it? Even though he's a complete stranger and you knew there would be no comeback from the law?

I somehow doubt you would kill him; at the very least, you'd probably be too afraid of the comeback from yourself, if not the law. Are you sure there wouldn't also be comeback from yourself if you committed suicide? Are you absolutely sure that death is the end of everything? If you aren't sure about that, do you think you would be forgiven and not have to go through it all again?

Maybe you'd be right; maybe there'd be no penalty whatsoever for suicide. Or, maybe, you'd completely and forever cease to exist. At present, you don't know, and so it would be an existential experiment. One way, you wouldn't even get to experience the outcome (because you'd be annihilated); and the other, you'd possibly experience comeback from your gamble.

Although it's true in one way that suicide is an act of cowardice, in another, it's an act of bravery because one is risking death not being an end; that one would have to pay for it in a way that would be at least as bad (and maybe much worse) as one's present predicament.

Were you to do it, I'd wish you the very best of luck. It's not something I think I'd try myself, however; I'm far too selfish. Maybe we all should be so selfish... after all, it could be the only laudable example of selfishness.
 
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I'm curious, because I'm considering suicide. Well, actually, it's more like I'm hoping I can work up the courage to finally do it, because I already feel like it's what I should do. I figured I'd have a good chance of getting some informed opinions here.

Please PLEASE get help. Suicide will not solve your problems. Nobody wants you to die.
Could you please tell us why you want to do it?
 
Talk to someone ... anyone (pastor, counselor, friend, a stranger on the street). I'm mean face to face ... looking at him or her in the eye. We are all connected and it is always better to connect in person. Connecting to folks behind a computer screen or a phone is fine to a point, but it can only take you so far.

It is always better to finish the race. You are here for a reason. We all are!
 
I wish I had seen this earlier. Please talk to someone, anyone, it doesn't matter who. Send me a PM if you need to I will reply. Life is not a problem. It is a series of problems, which don't have anything to do with each other. Work on solving one problem at a time. When you view life as the problem you start to look for solutions to the problem and you wind up where your at. Grab a piece of paper write down everything that is wrong, and writing everything is not an answer, each seperate thing. Then solves those things one at a time. Life is not a problem. Please get help.
 
Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I got a bit distracted by some other stuff (I was having a pretty serious episode when I posted the thread, so I kind of had to get distracted for a while).

Could you please tell us why you want to do it?
The short version is that, for various reasons, I was robbed of my youth, and I know with absolute certainty that I will be miserable for the rest of my life. Despite my physical age, I still have the mind of a teenager. My mentality hasn't changed in the slightest from when I was 16, and I want to act like a teenager and have people see me as one, but that's not possible. No matter what happens now, there will always be an enormous void in my soul that I'll never be able to fill. If I were to not commit suicide, it would only be because of some fear that I'd be punished for it or because of my cowardice stopping me from going through with it.

Even if I were to adjust my priorities or whatever, it would only be done out of obligation, and I would immediately discard those adjustments as soon as I had the chance (like if I get to the afterlife and they say "Great! You made it! Didn't you learn how to live without being young?", I would say "I guess. Whatever. Now I want to forget all of it ever happened and get to my next life immediately. I gave you what you wanted, now you give me what I want.")



"What do you think happens after death to people who commit suicide?"

I think suicide will not solve anything because you are an immortal spirit and killing your body won't change anything, you will still exist as a spirit, and you might have to reincarnate and live through it all again and continue where you left off.

"I already feel like it's what I should do"

If you are contemplating suicide there is probably something abnormal biochemically that affects the brain so you shouldn't trust your judgment in that respect.
Well, as I said above, my case is almost entirely about circumstances. If my brain is screwed up, it's only because my mind is broken from years of enduring some bad stuff, coupled with the realization that it's too late for even a miracle cure to make a difference because the time is already lost. The way I see it, my problems are physical, and unsolvable in this world, so getting out of this body actually would solve my problems. Nevertheless, I do appreciate that you took the time to post a lot of information, and I'll have a look at it.



I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts, I frequently experience deja vu moments like I've experienced this all before, frequently I feel like I can even guess whats about to happen in a few seconds. Eventually during meditation I had an out of body experience where I spoke with a woman made of light who told me I had killed myself. I don't know if this was delusion or a fabrication but I've never been able to shake the feeling I'm here to do a better job this time so I could live without regrets. I hope my experience can help you come to some kind of understanding of what you're going through, JD1.
I actually have an unshakeable feeling of my own. In my case, it's the feeling that this is not how things were supposed to be at this point in my life, that I was somehow knocked off the path I was supposed to be on, and that now I'm so hopelessly lost that there's no way of getting back on that path and I might as well just start over from the beginning. It feels kind of like being a student and suddenly realizing at 2:30 that you have a ten-page paper due for a class at 3:00 and you've done absolutely no work on it. Sure, you can try to scramble and put something together on time, but even if you can put something together, it's not going to be any good. So you might as well just say "To hell with it." Or it feels like creating a character in a role-playing game and realizing that you've completely screwed it up, there's no way to fix it, you won't be able to complete the game except by lots of luck and trial-and-error, and it sure as hell won't be fun, so you might as well just start over now that you know what not to do, regardless of how much time you've wasted on that doomed character.

I also have a feeling that maybe my planned purpose for this life was to learn defiance, because I might have not stood up for myself in a past life due to being too afraid. What could be more defiant than telling the entire world to go to hell because I refuse to take any more shit?

These feelings are part of the reason why I feel like I should do it, and on some level, I'm angry at myself for not being able to go through with it, much like anyone who's angry at themselves for not doing something they know they really should do.
 
Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I got a bit distracted by some other stuff (I was having a pretty serious episode when I posted the thread, so I kind of had to get distracted for a while).


The short version is that, for various reasons, I was robbed of my youth, and I know with absolute certainty that I will be miserable for the rest of my life. Despite my physical age, I still have the mind of a teenager. My mentality hasn't changed in the slightest from when I was 16, and I want to act like a teenager and have people see me as one, but that's not possible. No matter what happens now, there will always be an enormous void in my soul that I'll never be able to fill. If I were to not commit suicide, it would only be because of some fear that I'd be punished for it or because of my cowardice stopping me from going through with it.

Even if I were to adjust my priorities or whatever, it would only be done out of obligation, and I would immediately discard those adjustments as soon as I had the chance (like if I get to the afterlife and they say "Great! You made it! Didn't you learn how to live without being young?", I would say "I guess. Whatever. Now I want to forget all of it ever happened and get to my next life immediately. I gave you what you wanted, now you give me what I want.")




Well, as I said above, my case is almost entirely about circumstances. If my brain is screwed up, it's only because my mind is broken from years of enduring some bad stuff, coupled with the realization that it's too late for even a miracle cure to make a difference because the time is already lost. The way I see it, my problems are physical, and unsolvable in this world, so getting out of this body actually would solve my problems. Nevertheless, I do appreciate that you took the time to post a lot of information, and I'll have a look at it.




I actually have an unshakeable feeling of my own. In my case, it's the feeling that this is not how things were supposed to be at this point in my life, that I was somehow knocked off the path I was supposed to be on, and that now I'm so hopelessly lost that there's no way of getting back on that path and I might as well just start over from the beginning. It feels kind of like being a student and suddenly realizing at 2:30 that you have a ten-page paper due for a class at 3:00 and you've done absolutely no work on it. Sure, you can try to scramble and put something together on time, but even if you can put something together, it's not going to be any good. So you might as well just say "To hell with it." Or it feels like creating a character in a role-playing game and realizing that you've completely screwed it up, there's no way to fix it, you won't be able to complete the game except by lots of luck and trial-and-error, and it sure as hell won't be fun, so you might as well just start over now that you know what not to do, regardless of how much time you've wasted on that doomed character.

I also have a feeling that maybe my planned purpose for this life was to learn defiance, because I might have not stood up for myself in a past life due to being too afraid. What could be more defiant than telling the entire world to go to hell because I refuse to take any more shit?

These feelings are part of the reason why I feel like I should do it, and on some level, I'm angry at myself for not being able to go through with it, much like anyone who's angry at themselves for not doing something they know they really should do.
You should NOT do it. Don't be deceived into thinking it is something you "really should do". Everything, and I mean everything, you posted here is similar in a number of ways to other people who have struggled with these same issues. I know you feel hopeless, and like there's no way it could ever change - but that isn't true. It is one of the classic deceptions of depression. Do not buy that bullshit. You cannot know with certainty what the rest of your life will be like, and by committing suicide you'll never find out. I am telling you right now, I am a random person on this forum, and from the bottom of my heart I am telling you that you matter to me here. You matter. Like others have echoed in this forum, I plead with you to contact a professional, a friend, a family member, a clergy member, someone, anyone who will be overjoyed to get to talk with you and help you in person or in some way. That void you mentioned can be filled - you just haven't found the filler yet. Again, it is not the answer, please, please seek the help you need.
 
You are doing exactly what I said not to, "the feeling that this is not how things were supposed to be at this point in my life, that I was somehow knocked off the path". There is no path. There is no right way or wrong way, there is no "adult" way of thinking, "teenage" way of thinking. You are creating fictional barriers and using them to make yourself feel worse. You are not the same as you were when you were 16 and who cares if you are, have you read about Elvis life? There is no right way and I'm not on it. You are not dealing in specifics just broad generalizations which you are using to justify feeling worse. Its a self fulfilling prophecy

Tell me one thing that is not that is was supposed to be, one specific thing, not "everything" or generalities. I want specifics. I don't mean to be harsh, but you need to revisit how you think and process information, that is whats getting you here.
 
@JD1

Most people make a "balls" of their life (if that's partly how you feel) many times over, I know I have and those people who pretend (or sincerely believe) that everything's been just great, fulfilling, never made a mistake etc are either deluded or plain dim, IMHO.

Whatever problems you've had or created (within reason) or things you've failed at, however negatively you've judged yourself/ life etc you can come to terms with it. You don't necessarily need to have achieved anything to justify your existence. The "successful," the "fulfilled," "the content with their lives" are all heading for the same destination as the unfulfilled so called "losers" and "failures." Life is something of a cosmic joke, everything taken into account, which I quite like although it has to be admitted, it's often not very funny (to say the least)

I'm not trying to patronise you but I would strongly urge you to stick it out and see what happens. I don't think you would be here if you weren't meant to be and although I don't think you would be punished, I do believe you will (possibly) have to face again the situations that brought you to your present state.
 
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I found this comment just an hour ago from an NDEr (of which I did "speak" to sometime ago coincidentally) Apparently he was electrocuted. The basic sentiment of what he's driving at I tend to agree with. I also thought it was possibly relevant to you or how you think of yourself at the moment, apologies if you don't think so.


"I have also had a NDE, about 40 years ago. As soon as I came out of my body, I noticed how peaceful and calm it was. It felt as if I was floating on air. Then I saw my body, and I thought: I think I'm dead. But I don't feel dead. I feel more alive than ever. My sense of awareness was very sharp and keen. I wasn't even phased by seeing my dead body. I felt completely free for the first time in my life. Then I had a feeling of being loved, and this feeling became more and more intense, and continuing to intensify. I knew instinctively that I was in the presence of the Source, the Divine, God, or whatever we choose to call this. It felt as if my entire spirit was permeated with this love.

The last thing I experienced was sensing the Oneness. Somehow, someway, we are all one. I went back into my body right after this. 40 years have elapsed since my NDE. I sort of put my experience on the shelf for a long time, and went on living my life as usual. I never forgot my experience although, but I spoke to very few people about this. About 10 years ago, I felt it was time to address my spiritual life. I thought about my NDE, and the pieces began to fall into place. I was able to understand the meaning of my NDE.

I finally realized, when I sensed the Oneness, God was trying to tell me that there is a Oneness between Him and I. This is something very personal between God and myself. Not that I'm special or anything like this, but this Oneness is available to everyone. The problem with religion is that it's fear based, and they say we cannot approach God. This notion is completely false.

Prior to having my NDE, I had the feeling that I wasn't "good enough". During my NDE, I know that God accepted me as I am, had always accepted me, and would always accept me. He treated me with unconditional love. No power or anything else will ever to able to take this away from me. God is not an angry ogre, waiting for the opportunity to cast us into a hellish place, as soon as we screw something up. He is exactly the opposite. God loves us more than we can comprehend or understand. I relate my NDE because my desire is for everyone to know the truth. I don't want them to live their lives in fear, and being afraid of a vengeful and angry god. Instead, step into the light, and enlighten yourselves. You will never regret this decision."
 
I gave you what you wanted, now you give me what I want.
The afterlife info suggests it's your own higher self that chose your life challenges, not something other beings wanted.

Maybe these can help:


In any event, I feel for the pain that's making you consider this, JD. But I really would suggest you talk about it to a professional therapist. We can at any one time be convinced we have the correct perspective on what is happening to us, our possibilities, etc., but seeking help can eventually show you that your perspective can be radically altered - for the better.
 
I found this comment just an hour ago from an NDEr (of which I did "speak" to sometime ago coincidentally) Apparently he was electrocuted. The basic sentiment of what he's driving at I tend to agree with. I also thought it was possibly relevant to you or how you think of yourself at the moment, apologies if you don't think so.


"I have also had a NDE, about 40 years ago. As soon as I came out of my body, I noticed how peaceful and calm it was. It felt as if I was floating on air. Then I saw my body, and I thought: I think I'm dead. But I don't feel dead. I feel more alive than ever. My sense of awareness was very sharp and keen. I wasn't even phased by seeing my dead body. I felt completely free for the first time in my life. Then I had a feeling of being loved, and this feeling became more and more intense, and continuing to intensify. I knew instinctively that I was in the presence of the Source, the Divine, God, or whatever we choose to call this. It felt as if my entire spirit was permeated with this love.

The last thing I experienced was sensing the Oneness. Somehow, someway, we are all one. I went back into my body right after this. 40 years have elapsed since my NDE. I sort of put my experience on the shelf for a long time, and went on living my life as usual. I never forgot my experience although, but I spoke to very few people about this. About 10 years ago, I felt it was time to address my spiritual life. I thought about my NDE, and the pieces began to fall into place. I was able to understand the meaning of my NDE.

I finally realized, when I sensed the Oneness, God was trying to tell me that there is a Oneness between Him and I. This is something very personal between God and myself. Not that I'm special or anything like this, but this Oneness is available to everyone. The problem with religion is that it's fear based, and they say we cannot approach God. This notion is completely false.

Prior to having my NDE, I had the feeling that I wasn't "good enough". During my NDE, I know that God accepted me as I am, had always accepted me, and would always accept me. He treated me with unconditional love. No power or anything else will ever to able to take this away from me. God is not an angry ogre, waiting for the opportunity to cast us into a hellish place, as soon as we screw something up. He is exactly the opposite. God loves us more than we can comprehend or understand. I relate my NDE because my desire is for everyone to know the truth. I don't want them to live their lives in fear, and being afraid of a vengeful and angry god. Instead, step into the light, and enlighten yourselves. You will never regret this decision."

Thank you for sharing this. I also, based on my own experiences, do not believe in "waiting around in a chair for someone to save you" You must save yourself. You must free yourself. To use a Christian analogy, Christ had to spend 40 days in the desert alone. Do I really think I can sit in my chair and say "I believe" and be saved. The truth is there to be found, no one ever said it would be easy.

As for the poster, time, patience, and a new method of problem solving are wonderful friends.
 
There's a book called Suicide: What really happens in the afterlife? by Pamela Rae Heath and Jon Klimo which should give you a good preview of the consequences of taking your own life. I myself, on LSD, found out that I committed suicide in a past life in a particularly traumatic way, a hundred years ago. I don't know if what I saw was true or not, but it may explain my pessimistic attitude towards life and liberal attitude towards suicide. So in a sense we are in the same boat. In considering suicide you must take into consideration the possibility of eternal oblivion, where you cease to exist, so you will no longer be able to experience what the world has to offer in terms of movies,books,entertainment,sex or whatever it is you enjoyed in life. If you do transition into the afterlife, most probably you will be reprimanded and sent back in basically the same circumstances you are now, if the law of karma is rigid and unbending. Best case scenario, you can try to haggle with your spirit guide or higher self, that is if you have an insight into your psychological weaknesses and strengths, and plan an easier lifetime, your past karma being suspended, to work on only one psychological issue or weakness. This is what Michael Newton calls a skate life, although I never heard of suicides having it that easy.
 
Thank you for sharing this. I also, based on my own experiences, do not believe in "waiting around in a chair for someone to save you" You must save yourself. You must free yourself. To use a Christian analogy, Christ had to spend 40 days in the desert alone. Do I really think I can sit in my chair and say "I believe" and be saved. The truth is there to be found, no one ever said it would be easy.

As for the poster, time, patience, and a new method of problem solving are wonderful friends.

I'm not quite sure I understand that, remiel but no worries.
 
Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I got a bit distracted by some other stuff (I was having a pretty serious episode when I posted the thread, so I kind of had to get distracted for a while).


The short version is that, for various reasons, I was robbed of my youth, and I know with absolute certainty that I will be miserable for the rest of my life. Despite my physical age, I still have the mind of a teenager. My mentality hasn't changed in the slightest from when I was 16, and I want to act like a teenager and have people see me as one, but that's not possible. No matter what happens now, there will always be an enormous void in my soul that I'll never be able to fill. If I were to not commit suicide, it would only be because of some fear that I'd be punished for it or because of my cowardice stopping me from going through with it.

Even if I were to adjust my priorities or whatever, it would only be done out of obligation, and I would immediately discard those adjustments as soon as I had the chance (like if I get to the afterlife and they say "Great! You made it! Didn't you learn how to live without being young?", I would say "I guess. Whatever. Now I want to forget all of it ever happened and get to my next life immediately. I gave you what you wanted, now you give me what I want.")




Well, as I said above, my case is almost entirely about circumstances. If my brain is screwed up, it's only because my mind is broken from years of enduring some bad stuff, coupled with the realization that it's too late for even a miracle cure to make a difference because the time is already lost. The way I see it, my problems are physical, and unsolvable in this world, so getting out of this body actually would solve my problems. Nevertheless, I do appreciate that you took the time to post a lot of information, and I'll have a look at it.




I actually have an unshakeable feeling of my own. In my case, it's the feeling that this is not how things were supposed to be at this point in my life, that I was somehow knocked off the path I was supposed to be on, and that now I'm so hopelessly lost that there's no way of getting back on that path and I might as well just start over from the beginning. It feels kind of like being a student and suddenly realizing at 2:30 that you have a ten-page paper due for a class at 3:00 and you've done absolutely no work on it. Sure, you can try to scramble and put something together on time, but even if you can put something together, it's not going to be any good. So you might as well just say "To hell with it." Or it feels like creating a character in a role-playing game and realizing that you've completely screwed it up, there's no way to fix it, you won't be able to complete the game except by lots of luck and trial-and-error, and it sure as hell won't be fun, so you might as well just start over now that you know what not to do, regardless of how much time you've wasted on that doomed character.

I also have a feeling that maybe my planned purpose for this life was to learn defiance, because I might have not stood up for myself in a past life due to being too afraid. What could be more defiant than telling the entire world to go to hell because I refuse to take any more shit?

These feelings are part of the reason why I feel like I should do it, and on some level, I'm angry at myself for not being able to go through with it, much like anyone who's angry at themselves for not doing something they know they really should do.


Have you ever considered an Ayahuasca ceremony?

That's something that's helped many, many people who have experienced a lot of pain.
 
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