Black void NDE

#1
I want to hear from others who experienced a black void during their near death experience (NDE). I posted my story here and I hope other survivors will be willing to share their experience too. It took me nearly two weeks to feel grounded in my body again after that experience. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it. I felt like this is a form of reality but the afterlife is a supereality which makes this life feel like a dream. I felt like I had been sleeping and I was finally awake when had my NDE. It's hard to explain. The other side was so vast and enormous in comparison to this tiny space we occupy.

------My NDE-->

In the fall of 1993, I was 17 and I had been suffering from severe depression for some time. I had crying spells just about everyday. I finished a course of Accutane pills which made my mood swings more erratic even though it cleared my skin. I decided to just end my life in this horrible reality by overdosing on sleeping pills sometime around 10:30 PM. Their was a Persieds meteor shower taking place during that time. I remembered a few pills were missing from the box but I took most of the pills. As I ingested the pills I wondered what would become of me? Will this be painful? I thought, "It doesn't matter".

I went to sleep then I remember experiencing the most frightening and enlightening experience I had ever been through-a distressing near death experience. It was unlike the first time I had an NDE as a child when I just blacked out due to a febrile seizure.
I remember feeling like my spirit was free and removed from my body. Not being in a body made me feel vulnerable and scared. It was so dark and I heard a whooshing sound. I didn't know where I was going. I was so afraid I would never see my family or this reality again.

To be dreadfully honest, you don't know the meaning of scared until you end up in that void! I felt ripped from reality. I felt my soul wobbly floating in an empty dark space of blackness. I couldn't see anything. It looked like space without stars. Only my thoughts still existed. I do recall feeling cold but not the kind of cold you feel when you are alive. It was a soul cold. I wasn't sure why my spirit was chilly. Unless it has something to do with not having a body in nothingness. It's not the type of chill you can warm up with a blanket.

Earth as I remembered it seemed like a matrix..just a dream I could never return to. I felt like I was awake for the first time. I wanted to be with my family. I felt like I would never find them again. I felt like I was lost in an empty deep space without stars forever. I couldn't believe how lost I was with no one to reach out too. I was terrified.

I kept thinking how ridiculous I was to fear the little stuff on Earth in comparison to being in a void. I felt lied to about my existence. I was angry at God for carelessly allowing me to be in a void. How could a loving God do this to me? Was this the ultimate reality? Floating in the void forever with just my thoughts? This event still bugs me to this day.

I screamed a silent scream because I didn't have a body to vocalize my thoughts. It was telepathic communication but it seemed like nothing was there to listen to me. All I could see was limitless darkness from every angle. Earth seemed so compartmentalized in comparison. I believe I escaped the void when I pleaded for God to bring me back to my family.

That's when I ended up in a large, dimly blue lit room with souls that appeared to be on the ground. I was floating above them before three large screens expanded and surrounded me. I had a life review. Time was different. The past, present and future seemed to be connected. I remember seeing my family. I was with them as a young child playing in front of the motel they once owned. We were next to a birch tree. I felt their love. It felt like I was living the scene all over again. I was in it but it was a review.

I began to sense something powerful. I knew it was a higher source meeting me after my life review. I was embarrassed and I felt very shameful and insignificant.

An invisible guide asked me if I wanted to stay or go back. The voice had a male sound but it was hard to determine. A lovingly blissful light shone down on me from above. It surrounded my spirit and I finally felt peace. I felt at home, safe and unconditional love which I never felt before on Earth.

I asked the guide and God what was the purpose of life? I heard a pause and sort of a sound of someone sighing. It was as if this entity felt I should know the answer. It said, "The purpose of life is to love". The guide said I had ten minutes to chose to stay or go back. I agreed and told them to send me back to my family.

I remember darkness unlike the inky black void I experienced earlier. It felt like I was going through a tunnel because I heard a whooshing sound. I then woke up in my room. My senses were heightened. A light mist surrounded everything. I heard my heart beat then stop. I felt my mortality and I became very angry. I could feel my life slipping away. I fought for my life and asked God, " How can you kill off my soul like it doesn't matter? I am real and I don't deserve this".

When I look back at that moment I think I was feeling shock from being removed from God's presence. Feeling the decaying energy of this world can be a shock. I managed to get up. I got on my step machine for a minute hoping to get my heart beat going. I stopped after two steps. I stumbled to the end of the stairs on my parent's side of the house. I tried to wake them up with a silent scream. I didn't have enough energy to yell. So I tried to pound the stairs and yell.

Fortunately, my mom is a light sleeper. She woke up and called 911. The medics arrived and wanted to know how many pills I took exactly. I told them I didn't know. It was most of the box because some pills were missing. I made it to the hospital and they injected me with medicine. The doctor said I should have been dead and I was lucky to be alive.
 
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#4
One more thing I need to mention. When I had my life review, I could feel the emotions of myself and others.
I have never had an NDE. However, I have researched many accounts. What you experienced is similar to some other accounts I have read where the NDE is the result of a suicide attempt.

In all the accounts I have read, the experiencer came away understanding that suicide is not a good response to life's challenges.

Thank you for sharing your experience.
 
#5
Hi Eric,

I agree with you after doing some research on my own about suicide survivor NDEs.
In case you are wondering, I was raised Baptist. I don't feel like a religious person but I do claim to be a spiritual person.

As for far the black void, it may be a place for soul reflection. It felt like I escaped that void when I focused on the love for my family and God.
 
#7
Hi Eric,

I agree with you after doing some research on my own about suicide survivor NDEs.
In case you are wondering, I was raised Baptist. I don't feel like a religious person but I do claim to be a spiritual person.

As for far the black void, it may be a place for soul reflection. It felt like I escaped that void when I focused on the love for my family and God.
The Classic Tao Chapter 2 read thus

When the world defines beauty as beauty, ugliness arises
When it defines good as good, evil arises
Thus extant and nonexistent produce each other
Difficulty and ease are their own co-creators
Long and short reveal each other
High and low only exist because of each other

How would we know the warmth of love without the coldness of its absence? But the presence of darkness, nor our engagement with it by no means portends that such reality is our ultimate destination.
 
#9
Coralee,

Thanks for that wonderful NDE account, and I hope you find plenty to interest you here on Skeptiko!

I wonder if you have tried to discuss your NDE with anyone, or is this the first time you have discussed what happened. I understand that many people find it hard to discuss their NDE with materialists (who tend to scoff at things that don't make sense to them) and also to Christians, who only want to believe NDE's that fit into their narrow conception.

David
 
#10
Hi David,

I've discussed my NDE with my parents and significant other. They were shocked but understanding. My significant other had an NDE during his heart surgery in 2019. His recently deceased cat was his guide. The cat took him to a large powerful glowing entity known as God. Questions and answers about life was exchanged and he felt terrified and shame. He never felt peace or a loving light-sad to say. The cat brought him back and ordered him to finish his work on Earth. The sweet creature also thanked my fiance for showing him so much love.

A year ago I told some of my very religious relatives about my NDE but they pretended my mind played tricks on me. They laughed and shaked their head. They said we sleep after we die until judgement day. For being religious they were the most unspiritual people to talk to. The whole discussion was disheartening for me. Yet, I expected that response from them.

I've shared my story on FB afterlife groups. A researcher from Jerusalem contacted me years ago. I gave her my NDE details in writing.
 
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